However, I am a big promoter of failure only because we have begun to avoid it. We never take risks anymore. We play it safe so we know we will be right. We don't answer the pressing questions out of fear that we will be wrong. Our curiosity has been thwarted. If we don't fail we will never grow. We will never understand what we truly want if we don't know how it feels to lose, to be wrong, to fail.
In all my years of school I have not failed academically wise, however, boy wise is another story! Anyways, I was very smart. It felt good to be good at something. I prided myself on slapping down my report card and letting my parents see the line of A's one after another. I loved getting state test scores back and seeing the highest marks being awarded to me. I loved having colleges send me letters begging me to attend their universities. It felt good to be wanted.
Recently I took a test, a very expensive test, that would indicate whether or not I would be admitted into the college of education at the school I would like to attend. I passed the reading, math, and grammar sections with flying colors, the only section I was waiting to hear back from was my essay section. And boy was I cocky. Writing is my thing. I write a blog, my dad was a writing teacher, I always always always made the highest scores on my state writing tests. This one measly test isn't even going to be an issue. I'll bet you'll never guess what happened. I failed.
Another $150 later, many tears, and a very humbled heart, I was back in the testing room taking the essay portion for the second time backed by everyone I knew that could utter a prayer. I still don't know what I got the second time, but I do know that even though failure stinks, it is vital in your relationship with Jesus.
Even though I got accepted to all the universities I wanted to go to, I choose to go to the local community college for my first two years. Some consider this a failure. I see it as an opportunity. How many times do you sit next to some one who has a family of five, her husband walked out on her, her parents are non existent, she works the grave yard shift at the local gas station, and goes to school during the day just so she can attempt to try and build a better life for her kids. And God chooses me to witness to her. All her life has been grief and failure. How could there be a God that lets her fail so many times? I get the privilege to sit next to her. I get to tell her that we have all failed, but that is why Jesus came. He came to forgive us of all our sins and failures. Failure is a part of being human. I had forgotten what it tastes like because I was so drunk on fabricated achievement. We learn about ourselves through failure. We learn how we can change, how we can do better the next time, and where and who we turn to in times of disappointment. I had forgotten the beauty of the process of achievement. I always had it easy. Answers just came to me. But now God is teaching me, the best things in life don't come easy. There will be a lot of twists and turns. Times where you will crash and burn. Parts were tears will stream down your face and you will feel like just giving up. But that my dear is the beauty of success. We have forgotten how beautiful the mountains look on the road to success because we take the back roads with no scenery to take our breaths away.
In the Bible, all of Jesus' disciples were failures. They were theology school drop outs. They didn't have what it took to make it through, but Jesus saw their potential. When we fail at something we think we have failed and that's it. What we don't know is that our life's misdirected goals are just opening doors of new opportunity.
While very painful at the time, it's easy now to see God's tremendous love for me. God's grace comes in many different shapes, sizes, and circumstances. When you look in the rearview mirror of life you can see God's blessings unfold over and over and over again. When we look back at all the times we have "failed" "fallen short" or "come in second" I don't think we will see them as mistakes or failures. I think that we will see them as events that have shaped and molded us into the person that we are today. I believe that the more creases we have the better.