Lately, I've been wrestling with God. Some people are afraid to admit this, however, I believe that wrestling with God reveals intimacy. It would be weird if you went up and wrestled a stranger. You can only wrestle with people who you are close to, someone you know well.
One of the greatest wrestlers in the bible was Jacob. Even from the womb, Jacob displayed his wrestling moves when he grabbed Esau's heel in an effort to be born first. Long story short Jacob tricked Esau into giving him his birth rights, and Esau was furious. So mad in fact that he threatened to kill Jacob. Jacob was so confused. He had received a dream from God (Genesis 28:10-22) that was filled with some powerful promises. God promised him many descendants, land, and blessings, yet he was on the run from his brother and the 400 men who were trying to kill him, leaving everything he had behind.
I know God has planted dreams in my heart from a very young age. Dreams that included becoming a teacher, having a large family, and having a big white house with a wrap-around porch, black shutters, and a garden of peonies, where all my friends and family come to visit. At some point you may have been struck by fear, whether this fear was feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, or doubt, you were running afraid. However, you must walk by faith. You must look for His grace and goodness and remember that God never goes back on a promise. You must pray. I only long to be able to pray like Jacob. His heartfelt prayer was desperately honest. "Then Jacob prayed, “O God of my father Abraham, God of my father Isaac, Lord, you who said to me, ‘Go back to your country and your relatives, and I will make you prosper,’ I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two camps. Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children. But you have said, ‘I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted.’” Genesis 32: 9-12 Jacob is wrestling with God right here. God has told him that he will have many descendants yet in that moment it is not looking like he will have any!
I wrestle with God when his vision doesn't match up with my plans. Do I trust enough to pull the parachute? Do I trust God enough to take a leap of faith? It's perfectly okay to ask questions. When you ask questions you are seeking God, you are building a relationship with Him. You aren't just taking someone's word for it, you have proactively sought after the Creator of the universe. Walk in faith, do not be afraid.