What a bold statement.
#unpopularopinion self-love is the biggest form of self-deception and it's unbiblical.
Another bold statement.
Before you rip me apart or slam your computer shut, please stick with me. I realize the definition of self-love is a little ambiguous, so let me explain.
I, just like many other humans fall into this lie because the promise of this statement is simple, it's tempting, and it's exactly where the enemy wants you, the more you love yourself, the more love you will be able to give in return, to others and to God, yet sisters, this cannot be farther from the truth.
The world is full of this type of thinking, Christians and Non-Christians alike. Take for example Rachel Hollis' new book, Girl Wash Your Face. I was so excited to read this book because of all of the hype. As I slowly turned the pages of the book, my heart grew weightier and heavier. The Christian book was littered with quotes like, “You, and only you, are ultimately responsible for who you become and how happy you are." “You should be the very first of your priorities.” other parts of the book say things like, "I’m a big fan of displaying visuals inside my closet door to remind me every single day of what my aim is. Currently taped to my door: the cover of Forbes featuring self-made female CEOs, a vacation house in Hawaii . . . and a picture of Beyoncé, obvi." The Bible is a stark contrast to these words,
3 1 But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, 4 treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.
2 Timothy 3:1-5
Wow. Convicted.
We are made of flesh, worldly, constrained, and broken. If we truly look within ourselves we will never like what we see. We are human. Every aspect of our life is covered in sin (Romans 3:23). We will always be left feeling disappointed because we tried to put our hope and seek validity in something that was never meant to fill the infinite hole in our heart. Blowing bubbles, napping, taking a walk, or having "me time" will never make us feel full. It will just distract us from the stressor. As Marshall Segal puts it, it's medication by distraction not redemption. We will never be satisfied because we only tried to love our flesh. Petting a puppy, no matter how cute, will not silence any fear or anxiety. It might mask it for 5 minutes, but when the puppy leaves guess what returns?
When we self-love it leads us to covet. Well, I would love myself more if I just had her hair. Or, I would love myself more if I could afford to go get my nails done. I would love myself more if, enter whatever it is that would make you more joyous, but here's the sad truth, all of this will make you feel more empty than how you started. We are merely just an image of Christ, never meant to put our hope and love in ourselves, but in the One who created us.
Let's not get it twisted sisters. It is okay to have dreams and desires (I sure do), but the enemy wants you to think you are in control. When we self-love and focus on our dreams and plans, instead of focusing on the main plan which is to love Jesus and others and tell and show them Jesus, then, of course, we will be anxious. We were never created to be in control, so why do our tiny flesh filled hands try and orchestrate our lives when the God of the universe, looks at you and says daughter, please don't try and control your life, just trust Me.
As humans, we cannot get our strength to love others and God from the way we love ourselves because we are inconsistent by nature. We need to gain confidence from the One who created us in the first place. Maybe you've been hurt immensely in the past. I know in middle school I was bullied. Sometimes the hurt from that allows me to try and self medicate by loving myself. I try and find acceptance within myself because of feelings of inadequacy, but the acceptance that we give ourselves is only temporary and it is cheap. Don't cheapen the gift that God gave you of true acceptance. We are a redeemed people and when we run to Him in prayer and repentance He doesn't see our sin or inadequacies, He sees His son who died for us. Who washed us clean, who rid us of all our inadequacies so we can stand boldly before the throne of God. Hebrews 4:16 states, for we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
God invites us to come as we are but not to stay as we are. This requires self-denial and looking within yourself and not loving what you see and that's okay. Don't accept yourself the way you are. Continue to be sanctified day by day, by loving God first, trusting His acceptance and allowing Him to work through you. We are born sinners, saved by grace, and somehow have created this made up scale where the value of our inconsistent human view of our self outweighs the everlasting truth that God speaks. When I attempt to self medicate, by having a bomb outfit, getting my nails done, or getting that iced coffee, it fails me every time, as it should. I nor you were created to find assurance in worldly possessions or self-love, but in the everlasting truth that God speaks. We will not go on an endless journey to try and find love within ourselves, because spoiler alert, it's not there. But sin is and I am always good at finding that and left feeling unsatisfied.
Let's not try and love ourselves, but rather love God, because when we do this it will overflow into every part of our lives. 1 John 4:19-21 states, We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother. We will gain strength to love others not because we have caffeine in us, or have a cute outfit on today, but because we put our hope in Jesus. The way we love people and love generously, does not stem from having self-love, it stems from the love God has for us. This is not a merely a suggestion, but rather something the Bible commands of us. Phillipians 2:3-5 says, Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus. We must love others and the only way we can do this day by day is by drawing our strength from Jesus.
Let us be reminded of His love. A God that holds an infinite capacity for love, one that is not swayed by sin, but is anchored in truth. Though we cannot see this we are surrounded by it. We are surrounded by a love that is consuming us yet we can't even begin to understand it. We will not be able to achieve this love by ever being good enough because this love that God possesses is not circumstantial. This ceaseless love is incomprehensible.
You will find your worth when you realize you aren't worthy.
Don't hear me wrong though, I am not saying don't take care of yourself, don't swing to the other side of self hatred. I am also not saying getting your nails done or buying a new outfit, or having dreams is bad. What I am saying is that if you put your hope in those things, if you think that they will be your source of joy and give you strength to love others and love God then you are in a dark and dangerous place.
Picture Creds: Pinterest