I've stood in the darkest of valleys, yet your love has still reached me.
This was the thought that raced through my head yesterday as I was listening to a sermon on how outstanding, tremendous, and endless God's love is for me. I felt the Holy spirit move inside of me. My heart jumped and I heard His still calm words whispered in my ear, "My beloved, let me in."
So I closed my eyes and in the stillness I heard God again, "My beloved, let me in."
"Let me help you, don't take this burden on your own. Lay it on my shoulders and I will carry it for you. Let your fears come to me and I will make them disappear in the light of my presence."
This overwhelming feeling of nearness overtook my body. At first I was angry. Why would you do this to me. Why would you let this happen if you are such a just God. Then there was relief. I felt His presence. He was so near. I felt His arms around me. It was so tangible. There was no anger, no desperation, no hurting, just love.
Let me in deeper.
I continued to open the door to my heart. One that has been slammed shut and locked up for quite awhile. No Lord, you can't see this part of me. You can't see how weak I am. Yet, He knows every part of me, because He pursues me. He pursues me with every bone in His body. He longs for me to open up my heart to Him so He can help me. In my weakness He found me. He ripped out my hurting, prideful, unforgiving heart and made it new. "Madison, I love you too much to let you stay where you are. You are stagnant and I am pursuing you with everything that I have, yet you are blocking it out. I have pursued you every day since your first breath and will continue until your very last. And when you leave this Earth and it is no longer your home and you run into my arms you will understand how much I have pursued you."
When God lets you feel a fraction of how much He loves you it overtakes you. He whispered, "Madison, stop trying so hard. Stop trying to be good enough, stop trying to love hard enough, stop trying to take the burden, stop apologizing, stop being angry, stop trying to rationalize, because my plan for you will never make since to you, and you will be left feeling exhausted." Exhausted. Exhausted. Exhausted. You will be left feeling exhausted trying to convince yourself that you are good enough, because you never will be. God will be though. He will always be good enough. In fact He is better than good enough, He is MORE than enough. So open the door to your heart and let Him fully pursue you, for He is more than enough. And when that day comes when you run into His arms, that thought will become reality and you will know that My God is more than enough and always has been.