This week the human-spun definition of joy has been pacing back and forth in my mind. The Lord has been working diligently on shoving the messy crumbled up pieces of paper that have my weak and broken definitions of joy off of my soul. He in His goodness has made space for His truth to shine through the cracks of my stubbornness and teach me what joy truly is, who He truly is.
We live in a vain and fallen world, we are constantly unsatisfied by what we have. We are made happy by what we are given, but shortly after go into bouts of unhappiness by what we have not received. God is a stark contrast to this. He is happy within Himself because it is apart of His nature. In Nehemiah 8:10 it states, "The joy of the Lord is your strength." This is a remarkable point given by Nehemiah, because he lived in a time of turmoil, of war, of debilitating insecurities, and an altogether fragile time. To be able to state that God's happiness is our strength was bold. He makes it a point for us to know that our circumstances are not what dictates our joy, our joy is found in Jesus.
I went for a run a few days back because I was annoyed with myself and for some reason, Jesus speaks to me the best when I am dripping with sweat, exhausted, and smelly. Ironic. I felt God laying into my heart from the moment my feet hit the pavement. With each pound of my foot, I felt the Lord whisper in my reluctant ear one word, trust. I kept pondering what the root of my annoyance was, what is depriving me of my joy, and why am I constantly left feeling disappointed? God then started speaking loud and clear. He said "Madi, where are you looking to find joy? The people around you? Your job? School? Because none of them will be able to fulfill you like I do. They are inconsistent by nature. But I will always be here, I will never leave or forsake you."
Are we fueling our disappointment by wallowing in it when we don't get our way? Or are we going to Jesus first? When I lose the joy of the Lord, my strength disappears, because it is not rooted in God. When I stray from the source of joy, everything will start to slowly decay. I now understand that Joy is a disposition of the heart. Even when I am frustrated, annoyed or sad, deep down I can still rest in the joy that is found in Jesus. Because He loves me. He loves me in a squeeze-you-so-tight-in-a-bearhug-that-your-breath-is-knocked-out sort of way.
The best thing that you can do is be honest with God. He wants us to be real with Him. To tell Him how we are really doing. He's not the grocery store cashier that asks how you are and you unconsciously say "Fine." He longs for your honesty. We were designed to have feelings, but we are not to become enslaved by our feelings. It's okay to feel sad, disappointed, or frustrated, but know those are not Jesus' names for you! We need to leave them at Jesus' feet. Every. Single. Day. And when you feel sorrow, frustration, or disappointment the next day, you will know the quickest route to those feet. Because this reveals the absolute strength of God to carry your burdens. I read a quote one time that says "The only thing eternal about your sadness is the One you are able to run to within it."